Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
