Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
