I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
