Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
