she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
