Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
