just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
