Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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