it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
