I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
