margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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