He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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