I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
