The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
