i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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