I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
