they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize