I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
