When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
