how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I will pee on everything he values.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
