one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
