Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
