I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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