so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
