So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
