May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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