new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
someone owes me an orgasm
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Randomize
