i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
