Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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