She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
