A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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