He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
