Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
