Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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