so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
