I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
