Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
are you so shy because you have an std?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
