i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Actions speak louder than pants.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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