1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
as a side note pls kill me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
