I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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