If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The uberlube is also flammable
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
