i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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