a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
