meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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