I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
