thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
