in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
