You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
