Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
