Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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