is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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