dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
