I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
