How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
