Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
