Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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