I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
