you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
