walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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