If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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