spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
