the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
how drunk are you?
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