I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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