Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize