I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
