i may or may not be watching the land before time
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize