ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize